


Comfortable

by iamgizy (saddle_tramp)



Category: NSYNC
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-02-16
Updated: 2001-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:22:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddle_tramp/pseuds/iamgizy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pairing: Joey/Chris, implied JC/Tony<br/>Rating: NC-17<br/>Summary: Songfic inspired by the John Mayer song Comfortable. Angsty but with a happy ending, I promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfortable

 Comfortable

******

 _I just remembered that time at the market,  
Snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart,  
And rode down,  
Aisle 5.  
You looked behind you to smile back at me,  
Crashed into a rack full of magazines...  
They asked us,  
If we could leave._

******

"Gangway!"

Joey turned quickly from getting a box of cereal to see Chris riding his shopping cart down the aisle, laughing and shifting his weight to direct it.

Chris looked back over his shoulder and called, "C'mon, Joe, it's fun!"

"Chris, watch ou—" Joey broke off with a cringe as Chris crashed into the media section, tipping over the cart and two displays of magazines. Chris was knocked rolling across the floor into a Harlequin romance display, tumbling books down all over him as he giggled like a schoolgirl.

Joey put the cereal back on the shelf – they'd have to go to another store now, he was sure, and they had just barely started shopping – and then trotted down the aisle towards Chris, shaking his head and mumbling, "Gonna break his neck one of these days."

Joey reached the end of the aisle just as a flustered looking man in a suit hurried up to Chris, followed by two people in Pic N Sav aprons. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Again."

Chris snickered at that, then tried to look serious even though he was sprawled in the floor with a novel laying on his chest that had a half-naked woman and some Fabio look-alike on the cover. "Yes sir. I'm so terribly sorry."

Joey fought the urge to grin at how obviously Chris was enjoying himself and turned to look at the manager as he offered Chris a hand up. "We'll pay for any damages."

The manager gave Joey a harried look as Chris grabbed Joey's hand and Joey pulled him to his feet. "You always do, Mr. Fatone. _You're_ an excellent customer and we appreciate the repeat business, but I do wish you'd take your friend to another store."

Chris moved to hide behind Joey's shoulder, snickering again as Joey gave the manager a wry look. "So do the other stores."

 

*******

 _Can't remember, what went wrong last September,  
Though I'm sure you'd remind me, if you had to._

*******

 

Joey knocked on the door to Chris' hotel room and then went in, freezing in surprise when Chris glared at him.

"Get right the fuck back out of here!" Chris said sharply, his eyes narrow and hard as he looked up from the pile of paperwork on the bed of his hotel room, Lance sitting quietly nearby and looking scared but pissed too. "Go find Jayce or something, I'm too damn busy to fuck around with you."

Joey flinched at the tone of Chris' voice and backed up until he hit the wall next to the door to the hotel room, then turned and fled to his own room. He totally ignored the room service cart near the bed and went straight to the small bar to pull a nearly full bottle of Smirnoff from the tiny refrigerator, wondering what he had done.

Justin told JC what happened when he got back from the studio a few hours later because he had heard it all from his room. JC went to Joey's room to find him sitting on the small couch, staring at the wall. Joey held a half empty bottle of vodka but he still looked much too calm to be drunk, even though JC had a good idea that's what Joey had been trying for. Anyone else could say anything they wanted to about Joey and he would just let it roll off, but if Chris said something even carelessly hurtful Joey usually took it to heart. From what Justin said Chris had been downright mean, so JC had expected Joey to be a wreck.

JC sat down next to Joey and took away the bottle without a word, setting it on the nearby coffee table. Joey turned to curl up against him, whispering softly, "I just wanted to know if he was going to eat with me."

JC stroked Joey's hair, closing his eyes as he kissed Joey's forehead and then whispered against his skin, "Justin says he and Lance found out about something that has them both pissed and biting people's heads off. You didn't do anything wrong."

Joey pulled away, looking into JC's eyes as he asked softly, "Am I a slut?"

JC frowned and replied firmly, "No, you are not. You like to show how much you love him, that's all. That's a _good_ thing, Joe."

Joey looked down at JC's shirt, fiddling with the hem. "Maybe he doesn't think so."

JC reached out to tip Joey's head back up and looked into his eyes as he said softly, "Then he's an idiot." Joey shook his head slightly, looking away as JC added, "And maybe he just doesn't deserve you."

Joey looked back at JC, his red-rimmed eyes dark and sad as he whispered, "He's got me anyway."

 

*******

 _Our love was,  
Comfortable and,  
So broken in._

*******

 

Joey laid on his side on a familiar waterbed, smiling slightly in the half-light of dusk as he slowly stroked his lover's back, his brown eyes soft with love as they tracked the movement of his hand. He loved to watch Chris sleep and to touch him, and he often stayed awake half the night just to look at and explore the different textures of Chris' skin, something he seldom got the chance to do if Chris was awake. Joey lifted his hand, moving it down to lightly trail his fingers through the wiry hair on firm thighs and then up over the full curves of a pale, perfect ass to the smooth planes of Chris' muscular but undefined back which was lightly dusted with fine dark hair.

Joey felt the body under his hand shift and smiled as Chris turned to look at him, blinking blearily and then giving him a sweet smile as he mumbled, "Mmm... Ma' me bre'fust."

Joey lifted his hand from Chris' back to stroke his cheek softly, smiling when Chris closed his eyes and moved into his touch. "It's almost eight, baby... PM."

Chris turned his head to kiss Joey's wrist, then opened his eyes again smiled at him as he rolled to his side, looking mostly awake. "Then make me some supper."

Joey grinned and leaned forward to kiss him instead of replying, deepening the kiss as Chris' arms came up around him. Chris whimpered softly after a few minutes and rolled to his back, pulling Joey after him as he mumbled against his lips, "Sex now, supper later."

Joey just chuckled softly and kissed him again.

 

*******

 _I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to;  
My friends all approve, say she's gonna be good for you.  
They throw me,  
High fives._

*******

 

"You're so lucky man, and you don't even know it," Justin said as he watched Joey feed his tiny newborn baby girl, Lance and JC sitting on the couch to either side of Justin and watching with varying degrees of interest. JC was fascinated by the baby and loved to watch her, but Lance was of the firm opinion children were always better if they belonged to someone else.

Joey looked up quickly, obviously surprised. "What makes you say that, Curly?"

Justin gestured towards Brianna and then at the room in general. "You have it _all_ man, a sweet, funny girl who worships you and a beautiful daughter. I'd kill to be as lucky as you."

Joey looked back down at his daughter, looking into deep blue eyes filled with a love that made him smile as he said softly, "Thanks, J. I think I'm pretty lucky myself."

 

*******

 _She says the bible is all that she reads,  
And prefers that I not use profanity._

*******

 

"Shit!" Joey exclaimed, jerking his hand away from the barbeque grill and sticking his burned finger in his mouth.

Kelly swatted his back, giving him a dirty look as she whispered fiercely, "Watch your mouth, Joseph!"

Joey rolled his eyes, pulling his finger out of his mouth to say loudly enough that it easily carried to the nearby picnic table, where Bree was sitting in JC's lap next to Lance and Justin. "Kell, lighten up, it's just the guys. They've heard worse."

Kelly glared at him, suddenly angry. "Bree too, I bet! Do I even want to know what God-forsaken things she's seen you _do_ with them?!"

Joey's eyebrows drew downwards as he frowned. "Just what are you implying?"

Kelly snorted and folded her arms across her chest. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. I know you slept with all of them before Bree. Probably do now, too."

Joey's eyes narrowed and he spoke, his soft tone totally at odds with the sudden intense anger Kelly saw in his eyes. "Shut the fuck up about it, you don't know half what you think you do."

"I know more than you think I do, Joseph Anthony Fatone," Kelly said angrily, drawing herself up to her full height. "I've seen how you look at them, and touch them all the time. You don't look at _me_ like that, and you sure don't hang all over me all the time like you do them! I'm not stupid or blind! I know you're a faggot, I just loved you enough not to say anything about it."

"And now?" Joey asked, obviously pissed but trying to hold his temper in check.

Kelly took off her apron and threw it down. "Now I'm leaving. I'll be back for Bree in the morning."

"You'd better bring a court order," Joey replied.

Kelly's eyes widened. "You'd try to take my daughter away from me?!"

Joey snorted. "Damn straight. That's _my_ baby girl and I'm not giving her up. I'm the one who changed her diapers and walked the floor when she had colic."

Kelly glared at him a long moment and then said, "You'll hear from my lawyer on Monday."

"Fine," Joey replied. "Get your shit and get the hell out of my house."

Kelly glared at him as JC, Justin, and Lance exchanged shocked looks, then she turned abruptly and left, walking into the house and slamming the back door so hard the glass shattered.

 

*******

 _Your mouth was,  
So dirty._

*******

 

 _Chris arched his back, rocking upwards slightly as he groaned low in his chest and then whispered roughly, "God, baby, you feel so fucking good."_   
__

_Joey made a soft noise and nibbled at Chris' jaw instead of answering, pulling back suddenly after a moment and then lifting Chris' leg to hook it over his shoulder. He grunted slightly as his hips surged forward again and Chris cried out, his hips rising sharply to meet Joey's. "Fuck, that's it, baby," Chris gasped, "harder."_   
__

_Joey obliged, his head falling forward as he got lost in the feel of Chris' body under his, listening to Chris' constant stream of soft expletives intermixed with low noises until Chris came with a loud cry, arching up against him as Joey shuddered and thrust into the tight, pulsing heat of his body and then came with a deep groan._

 

Joey woke with a gasp, shuddering. He resisted the urge to thrust against the mattress as he blinked away the spots swimming across his vision and felt a spreading warmth against his stomach that made him close his eyes as he swallowed hard. Two years, and dreaming about Chris could still make him come so hard that he saw stars.

Chris hardly even spoke to him anymore, and he hadn't felt Chris' touch unless there was a camera nearby that Chris had to play 'best friends and brothers' for since the morning he had told Chris about getting drunk at his cousin's birthday party and waking up the next day next to Kelly. Joey swallowed again and rolled off the wet spot onto the other side of his cold, empty bed to stare at the ceiling. It had been two years and twenty-three days since he had last made love to the only person he had ever wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

And two years and nineteen days since he got shit-faced at a party and managed to fuck up his life and become a father, all in one night.

 

*******

 _Life of the party,  
And she swears that she's artsy,  
But you could distinguish,  
Miles from Coltraine._

*******

 

Joey sat in an easy chair in one corner of his den, quietly drinking a bottle of the Köstritzer beer he'd gotten hooked on years ago and listening to _Freddie Freeloader_. He had been watching as his latest girlfriend, Lisa, yammered on to JC about how much she loved jazz for almost twenty minutes, all the while ignoring JC's bemused looks as he tried to explain to her that Joey was the one who liked sax jazz, not him. She had run right over what JC tried to say, gushing enthusiastically about how wonderful the music was, and JC was too polite to derail her train of thought until Joey suddenly laughed.

Lisa stopped in mid-word and turned to look at Joey, confused. "What're you laughing at, sweetie?"

Joey snorted softly and stood up. "That's not Coltraine, doll, it's Miles Davis and JC couldn't care less, even though he _can_ tell the difference." Joey started towards the door that led to the kitchen then, looking at JC as he added, "I'm gonna make myself some lunch, Jayce. There's a bootleg of the most recent _Area:One_ concert on the shelf by the TV, you're welcome to put it on if you want." Joey walked on into the kitchen without giving Lisa another glance.

Lisa blushed bright red and stood up, not looking at JC as she walked quickly out of the room.

JC heard the front door slam a moment later and sighed, looking down at the floor and taking a deep breath before he stood and followed Joey. Joey had done similar things rather often over the last six months, and he had begun drinking pretty heavily, too. JC had been letting it slide, but he was going to call him to task this time about embarrassing a sweet girl and being on his third beer even though it was barely noon.

Joey didn't even look up as JC stepped into the kitchen, and JC walked over to hop up on the counter and then watched as Joey got another beer and a dish of lasagna out of the fridge. Joey seemed to be ignoring JC until he suddenly spoke, his voice soft and calm. "She's a ditz, Josh, and was only with me to get close to the rest of you. She said as much."

JC's brow furrowed and he tilted his head to the side, watching Joey as he put the lasagna in the microwave and then turned to look at JC, his expression calm as he opened the beer. "Why, Joe?" JC asked softly. "If you knew she wasn't with you for you, then why let her hang around?"

Joey shrugged slightly and took a long drink of the dark German beer, then said simply, "I don't like sleeping alone."

"So you were using her." JC tone was a little disapproving, and Joey snorted.

"Hell, if anyone was getting used, it was mutual," Joey said, his expression cynical. "I was paying her way, buying her anything she wanted and letting her hang out with you guys, and she was putting out. She got what she wanted and I got what I wanted."

Joey took another drink of his beer, and JC just looked at him for a long moment before he said softly, "You've changed, Joe, and not for the better. You used to care too much to hurt _anyone_ , even a groupie."

Joey laughed softly at that, and the sound was so broken that it reminded JC of a wounded animal. "Caring didn't do me any good, Jayce. Still wound up being a lonely drunk that nobody but you will hang out with anymore."

"You could stop the drinking, Joe," JC said, leaning forward. "It doesn't have to be this way."

"Wouldn't do a damn bit of good, Josh, and you know it as well as I do," Joey replied, ignoring the microwave as it binged and sounding calm even though his eyes were dark and somehow lifeless.

JC looked down at his knees for a moment and then lifted his head again to meet Joey's gaze as he said softly, "There are other men out there, Joe."

Joey's expression twisted into something was supposed to be a smile but instead looked more like a grimace of pain. "That's just it, Josh. They're _other_ men, not him." He pushed off from the counter, walking towards the garage door as he said, "I'm going for a drive. You're welcome to the lasagna, I made it fresh last night."

"Joe—" JC started, not sure what to say, but Joey just waved over his shoulder with his free hand and walked out.

JC looked down at his knees again and clenched his fists, wishing he could do something to help Joey and knowing he had no prayer of arranging the only thing that would. Chris hardly ever dated, true, but he wouldn't even talk about Joey anymore and refused to go near him unless he had to for the sake of the group. JC knew they still loved each other, but he was just as sure that there was no prayer of getting them back together, not after this long.

Joey and Chris had loved each other more than any other couple JC had been around, but the pain both of them had been in since Chris walked away seemed to be even stronger than the love had been.

 

*******

 _Our love was,  
Comfortable and,  
So broken in._

*******

 

Joey sat on the end of the pier looking out over the ocean at the approaching tropical storm and remembering the past, heedless of the tears mixed with the salt spray and raindrops on his cheeks. He had told Chris once that he would die for him and he'd meant it, he would have given his life for Chris without a second thought, but Chris had called him this morning and asked him to do something that Joey wasn't sure he could do, even for Chris.

Despite Joey's assertion that he hated to sleep alone he was doing just that, and had been for two years. He didn't date, he didn't go out, and he didn't even hang with the guys anymore now that the others had gone solo and the group was officially in retirement. Joey had pretty much turned into a hermit except for the days he had Bree, which he always spent doing whatever his baby girl wanted whether it was going to the zoo or visiting her uncle Josh. Nobody saw him anymore without her unless they came to his house, and even then Joey would likely as not tell them to make themselves at home and then go into his room and leave them to their own devices.

Joey lifted his head, letting the wind blow his shaggy hair back out of his face as he looked up at the roiling clouds and then closed his eyes, remembering that morning. Chris' call had shocked him so much that he had barely been able to talk as he listened to that voice he loved finally asking him to do something after years of not talking to him outside of a studio or group meeting. Joey had tried to memorize every word, storing it away in that cherished corner of his mind that was devoted to remembering all he could about Chris, but he had still missed some of it. He knew Chris didn't really want to talk to him and that it might not happen again, and he had gotten so lost in the cadence of Chris' voice that he had almost missed why Chris called.

Chris wanted a favor, something that he said he knew would be hard for Joey but that he couldn't ask anyone else to do. Joey had whispered that he would do anything for him, and then Chris had asked him to live again, and to forget him, and to move on so he could be happy.

Joey swallowed hard as the first wave of heavy rains reached the shore, lowering his head and letting the rain beat down on his head. He had been speechless, but Chris had asked him again, and then badgered him, and Joey had finally told him he would try. Now, without Chris' worried voice to distract him, Joey wished he had told him that he didn't want to live anymore, and he didn't want to move on, and he damn sure wasn't happy without him.

Instead, he had lied to Chris for the first time. What hurt so badly was that Joey was sure it would be the last, too.

 

*******

 _She's perfect,  
So flawless,  
Or so they say... hey.  
Say..... Hey...._

*******

 

Joey sat quietly in a lawn chair in the corner of Lance's back yard, watching as Bree and Lance's little girl, Jamie, rode a shaggy pony around while JC filmed them, cheering them on. Lance stood nearby with his husband, watching proudly as Jamie taught her much older 'cousin' how to ride her new little paint pony, which Bree had already fallen in love with.

"You know you'll have to move out of town now," a soft familiar voice said next to Joey, distracting him from watching the girls and making him look up.

"I know, but moving out of town would be good for both of us I think, now that Bree is with me all the time. Fewer memories in a new house." Joey smiled at Tony and then looked at Bree again as Jamie slid off the pony to let Bree ride alone, watching the familiar look of concentration on Bree's face as the seven year old put all of her attention on riding the pony exactly right.

Tony nodded, looking over at the pony too and smiling at the way JC was backing around the yard in front of it, trying to record the whole thing. "There must be a lot of memories there that you don't want to lose too, though. You've been there what, ten years now?"

Joey nodded, glancing up at Tony and then looking back at his daughter as he said softly, "I won't lose them. I could never forget the important things."

Tony looked at Joey and saw the familiar old pain in his friend's eyes so he changed the subject, gesturing towards the pony, who was now walking towards the small pond in the far corner of the yard while a grinning Bree watched JC back away ahead of them. "She's a quick learner."

Joey chuckled as JC stepped backwards into the pond with a splash, barely keeping his feet as Bree stopped the pony to point at him, giggling. "Yeah, she is. She's a pretty amazing kid all the way around, though. She takes good care of her old man."

Tony smiled and looked down at Joey. "You're not old, Joe, you're just barely past thirty."

Joey looked up at Tony and smiled slightly. "Thirty is older for some than it is for others, Tony. JC at thirty was just getting comfortable with himself and even still growing up. Me, I've known what my lot in life was for a long, long time, and I've made my peace with it."

Tony tilted his head and asked softly, "But are you happy?"

Joey looked back over at Bree, smiling a little wider as he watched her urge the pony faster to get away from JC, who had passed the camera to Lance and was threatening to tickle her to death for ruining his shoes. "Happy enough."

Tony chewed his lower lip and watched Joey's face, debating something as Joey watched Bree and the pony run around the yard dodging JC, then he finally said softly, "You could be happier, though. You've been alone too long."

Joey chuckled softly as JC finally dragged Bree off the pony and stood to go help her, glancing at Tony as he smiled and said softly, "I told you, I know what my life is about, Tone, and I'm fine with it."

Joey started to turn away then and Tony reached out, putting his hand on Joey's arm to stop him and waiting for Joey to look at him before he let got of Joey's arm and asked softly, "What _is_ your life about, Joe?"

Joey lifted his other hand to point at his daughter, smiling slightly. "Her."

 

*******

 _She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin',  
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken._

*******

 

Kelly sat across the table from Joey and Bree, listening to the man she had once thought she could make marry her talk to the daughter she barely knew anymore about how she'd spent the morning that day – her ninth birthday – in the studio with JC. Kelly knew that Bree was happy living with her father, who would move heaven and earth for his little girl but was still firm enough to insist that she behave herself well no matter where she was and do her best in school. Bree had already shown a talent for dancing and singing but she couldn't have cared less about it, instead wanting to be like her uncle JC and work in the studio, making the 'raw' music into something special. JC let her 'play' in his studio regularly, showing Bree how to run the equipment and letting her watch him arrange music, and he had recently told Joey that Bree had a promising future behind the board.

Kelly looked down at her plate a long moment, and then suddenly looked up at Joey and Bree. "I'll be moving to Chicago in two weeks. Perry got a transfer."

Joey and Bree broke off in mid-conversation, looking at her with almost identical expressions of surprise as Bree asked, "Will I have to come visit?"

Joey flinched slightly at the way Bree worded the question, but Kelly didn't react outwardly as she replied, "Only if you want to. We'll be living in an apartment downtown, and there's only one bedroom. When you visit, you'd have to sleep on the couch."

Bree wrinkled her nose. "I hate sleeping on the couch. You can come visit us instead, _our_ house has plenty of rooms for family, and you can come see my ponies." Bree had asked Kelly to visit every time she saw her since Joey had bought the sprawling old house with twenty acres of land on the outskirts of one of Orlando's suburbs, but Kelly always put her off.

Moving out of town had soon been followed by building a small barn and setting up pasture for a pony for Bree, which had soon turned into two ponies because the first was really too slow for her, then Joey had bought a horse to ride with Bree and of course JC had wanted one too for when he visited. JC and Tony had moved in with them a few months later and then of course Tony had needed a horse so he could ride with the rest of them. Tony's gift of a goat for Christmas had started Bree on the 'farm' idea too, and now she had a pet potbellied pig, three goats, and a calf that followed her around like a big dog. Joey, who had early-on decided that prudence was the better part of valor, hired people to care for the animals, and was very glad he had. He did well to remember all of their names, much less what they needed to eat and how often.

Kelly sighed softly, looking down at her nearly empty plate. "I know, and I will, soon."

Joey resisted the urge to snort at that, knowing that Kelly was lying and quite sure that Bree knew it too since they had talked about it. Kelly had only come out to visit them once, and she had refused to stay when she saw JC and Tony were there. Kelly was too Catholic to like the idea of an out gay couple, especially since every time she saw them it reminded her that but for her, Joey would be living with Chris in similar comfort and happiness.

Kelly had eventually figured out why Joey grew to hate her, and much too late began to regret sneaking into Joey's bed after that party. When he called her baby that night she had been flattered, and it hadn't dawned on her until months later that Joey was so drunk that night he had automatically assumed anyone in his bed must be Chris. Kelly dropped her fork on her plate suddenly and stood, pushing away the unwanted memories of how she'd 'ruined' the life of her childhood crush as she pushed back her chair and stood.

"I just remembered, I have to pick up the dry cleaning before they close." Kelly moved around the table to kiss Bree's forehead and then gave her a bright, fake smile. "Bye sweetie, I'll see you again before I have to leave for Chicago, okay?" Bree nodded and then Kelly looked at Joey. "I'll see you around, Joe."

Joey nodded. "You know how to find me."

Kelly nodded and turned away, quickly crossing the restaurant, and Bree watched her go out the front door before she looked at Joey and asked softly, "Daddy, does she really think I believe she'll come see us?"

Joey sighed softly and stood up to leave as he replied, "I don't know, sweetheart, she might. She's always been pretty dense."

Bree stood quickly as she said matter-of-factly, "She must be, Uncle Josh says it took her almost two years to realize you were gay." Joey's eyes widened and he looked down at his daughter, his expression so surprised that Bree giggled and added, "It's okay to be gay, Daddy, but I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."

Joey opened and closed his mouth, then stared at his daughter a moment before he said, "Thank you. I think."

Bree giggled and tugged him towards the door. "C'mon, if we hurry home we can ride before dark."

Joey let her drag him out of the restaurant, wondering what else JC had told his daughter for only a moment before he decided he really didn't want to know.

 

*******

 _I loved you,  
Grey sweat pants,  
No makeup,  
So perfect._

*******

 

Joey watched as JC, Tony, and Bree played their new favorite game, a modified version of polo, with the woman who took care of the animals for them, Chelly. They had been playing for almost thirty minutes and Joey was bored with watching, but he didn't want to go back up to the house so he just sat on his bay gelding, Scamp, and looked down at the bandage on his left hand, running the fingers of his right hand over it softly as he let his mind wander. Bree's thirteenth birthday had been three days ago, and her party had been a big deal to her so she had invited all of their family and friends, which had turned out to be quite a lot of people, so they had divided it into two parties. One for friends and relatives they weren't close to, and one for just their closest family. Joey had been surprised by several people who came to the larger party, like Kelly with her son, but it had been the final guest of the family party that totally floored him.

Bree and JC both had watched Joey closely when Tony came in halfway through the party with Chris, whose plane was late, in tow. Joey had been so floored by actually seeing Chris again that he had dropped the stack of saucers he was carrying, and then he got so upset with himself for being so obviously shocked that he hadn't been careful with the glass and he cut his hand pretty badly. JC and Tony had shooed Joey off to the bathroom with Bree for her to help him take care of the cut, and Bree had grabbed Chris' hand and insisted that he help even though Joey knew she could have handled it. Joey had trembled like a leaf while Chris was cleaning the cut and bandaging it, and when Chris finished and looked into his eyes, asking him if he thought it would be okay, Chris had to repeat himself twice before Joey could make sense of it to answer.

Bree had been teasing her dad ever since about it, and JC and Tony were encouraging her, much to Joey and even Chris' embarrassment. That was the biggest surprise; all the other guests had gone home, but Chris was still there and showed no inclination to leave.

Of course, it wasn't like Joey _wanted_ him to leave. It was a dream come true to have Chris in the same house again, and Joey wasn't about to risk upsetting whatever delicate balance it was that had made Chris comfortable here.

Joey heard cheering then and looked up in time to see Bree trotting towards him as Chelly, JC, and Tony followed more slowly.

"Unlce Josh and I won, Daddy!" Bree cried as she got closer, beaming. "Twelve to seven!"

Joey laughed. "That's great, sweetheart. Why don't we go put the horses up and make something special to celebrate?"

"I'm cooking!" Bree bounced in her saddle, making her grey mare fidget as she yelled, "PIZZA!" Bree turned her little mare towards the barn and kicked her into a gallop as she added, "Last one home has to do dishes!"

The others all laughed and started after her at a much more sedate pace, quite sure that at the pace Bree was going supper would be in the oven by the time they got inside.

 

*******

 _Our love was,  
Comfortable and,  
So broken in._

 _She's perfect,  
So flawless..._

*******

 

Chris sat on one of the stools in the kitchen, watching as Bree spread pizza sauce on the dough she had just made. He was bemused by the fact a thirteen year old girl seemed to be a better cook than he was at forty-two, and fascinated by watching her.

Chris was so absorbed in what Bree was doing that he completely missed the way she watching him out of the corner of her eye when she suddenly asked, "So you and Daddy are in love, huh?"

Chris looked up from the pizza quickly, wide-eyed. "Who told you that he's in love with me?"

Bree shrugged slightly, pretending to be absorbed in spreading the sauce perfectly. "He's my dad, I can tell."

Chris looked at her for a long moment and then asked softly, "He really still loves me?"

Bree nodded without looking up as she reached for the pepperoni and the knife and began to slowly and carefully slice it onto the pizza, doing her best imitation of a naive child who didn't know enough not to answer Chris' questions. "He has your picture by his bed, and in his wallet, and he _never_ pays attention to other people. Uncle Josh says Daddy's been in love with you since the day he met you, and that you were happy together but that Daddy got drunk and mom tricked him into hurting you, so you left him. Daddy got drunk a lot more after that, and Uncle Josh says he let Grandma talk him into living with my mom even though Daddy doesn't like her because he wanted me. Mom tried to take me away from him a few times because he's gay, but she's finally figured out he's my daddy and that I'd rather be with him."

Bree paused a moment to let Chris think about that, then added, "Perry calls Uncle Josh and Uncle Tony faggots, and says he doesn't want me around his little boy because they corrupted me and I'm godless now, too. That's why he and Mom really moved away. Perry doesn't like us. Don't tell Daddy though, he'd be upset that Perry called my uncles names and he's just finally started to get a little happy again."

Chris tilted his head, watching Bree as he asked softly, "Has he been unhappy a lot?"

"For a long time," Bree replied, nodding as she set aside the pepperoni and picked up the cheese. "Before we moved here I remember he would drink a lot, and Uncle Josh was always staying with Daddy when I wasn't there to try and make him take care of himself. Right after we moved here he used to take a few of his Köstritzer's – that's the German beer Daddy drinks – out on the back porch when it stormed and cry, but now he just goes out there and watches the rain. Uncle Tony says it's because storms make Daddy think of you, and that it makes him sad he's alone, but that he's finally gotten used to it so it doesn't hurt so much anymore."

Chris looked down at the counter, swallowing hard at the sudden vivid memory of driving three hours just to sit on the beach with Joey's arms wrapped securely around him as they watched a tropical storm come onto land. They'd done things like that so many times while they were together that Lance had called them the storm chasers and the other guys had jokingly begun to ask them when the next storm was due.

"Uncle Josh told me that Daddy's been alone for ten years now," Bree added after a couple of minutes. "He says that Daddy deserves to not be alone anymore, but he won't date anyone, not even for me." Bree set aside the empty cheese packet and then looked at Chris, waiting for Chris to meet her gaze before she asked, "Why wouldn't you talk to my Daddy all these years?"

Chris swallowed again and looked down as he said softly, "Because I could never tell him no face to face if he asked me to come back to him. As long as I never saw him, I could stay away."

Bree looked at him a long moment. "Uncle Chris? You wanted me to tell you what I wanted for my birthday, right?" Chris looked up at her and nodded, then she went on, looking him in the eye as she said softly, "Please don't leave him again."

Chris just looked at Bree, suddenly sure that she had planned everything she'd told him, maybe even with JC's help. Looking into her eyes though, he was also sure that she had told him the truth, and after a minute he replied softly, "Only if he asks me to leave."

"Good." Bree smiled and picked up the pizza to carry it to the oven as she said confidently, "He'd never do that."

 

*******

 _I'm not impressed._

 _I want you back._

*******

 

The sound of thunder woke Chris up from his nap and he wandered restlessly around the house, wondering where everyone was until he went into the kitchen and saw the note on the refrigerator saying that JC and Tony had taken Bree to a movie and that they were staying overnight in town to go to a special dawn sale at the mall. Chris turned away and was about to leave the kitchen when he heard another deep rumble from outside and then spotted the cap from a bottle of Köstritzer on the counter and realized Joey was probably out on the back porch, watching the storm.

Chris nibbled his lower lip for a minute or two and then quickly moved to the fridge, getting himself a beer and then popping the cap off before he walked to the back door, stepping out into the cool storm-scented air before he could change his mind. He blinked a few times as he stepped outside to adjust his eyes to the darkness, and then he looked around at the porch.

Chris had just decided that he was wrong and Joey wasn't outside when Joey asked softly, "Did you need something?"

Chris looked towards the dark corner where he had heard Joey's voice just as a flash of lightning lit up the porch for a split-second to reveal Joey sitting on the porch swing, holding a beer. "I, uhm, wanted to watch the rain. If that's, well, okay."

Joey nodded, then realized that Chris probably couldn't see him and said softly, "Sure. Have a seat."

Chris lifted his beer and took a deep drink, then surprised Joey by walking over to sit next to him on the swing instead of in one of the other chairs. The two were silent for a few minutes, watching the clouds move closer with each flash of lightning, then Chris said softly, "I haven't had a Köstritzer's in, God... Almost fifteen years. I missed it."

Joey glanced towards Chris as he replied quietly, "It's hard to find. I get it from a place that specializes in German imports."

Chris turned slightly on the swing to look at Joey, barely able to make out Joey's features in the darkness. "Maybe you could show me where it is sometime. I'd like to look around a place like that."

Joey smiled back. "I'd like that." Chris smiled and then looked back out at the storm, and Joey was silent a few moments before he suddenly asked something that hadn't left his mind since Bree's birthday, two months before. "Why are you still here?"

Chris looked down at his lap and asked softly, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No," Joey replied immediately, and then he hesitated for a moment before he asked softly, "But do you want to stay?"

Chris swallowed hard and then looked up, finding Joey's eyes in the darkness as he whispered, "If you'll have me."

Joey nodded. "As long as you want to stay, you've got a home here."

"What— What if I want more than a home?" Chris asked softly. "What if I want something I have no right to ask for?"

"If I can get it, it's yours," Joey replied simply.

Chris looked into Joey's eyes in the darkness, then lifted his empty hand to hesitantly touch Joey's cheek as he whispered, "What if I want your heart?"

Joey leaned slightly into Chris' touch as a lightning strike lit up the porch, giving Chris a good look at the soft smile on Joey's face as he replied quietly, "That's always been yours."

 

 

 

=============================

 

Back To You

===========

 _Back to you,_   
_It always comes around,_   
_Back to you..._   
_I tried to forget you,_   
_I tried to stay away,_   
_But it's too late._

===========

 

Joey and Chris had been sitting together on the swing watching the rain for quite a while, and neither had been able to figure out what they should say next.

Chris was amazed that Joey still loved him and more than a little elated, but sad too and hating himself for all the years they had been apart. Chris hadn't said anything about it, but he had originally agreed to come to Bree's birthday party because he wanted to see if Joey was finally happy without him. Chris _wasn't_ happy away from Joey, not really, and had spent years wandering from one short affair to another in an attempt to find anyone else who affected him like Joey did.

Chris wanted Joey to be happy more than anything else he could think of, even after all these years. Staying away was just making him hurt more, and it had finally dawned on him about six months ago that if he could just see that Joey was happy, then maybe he could be happy too, even if he was still alone. The problem had been finding a reason – and the courage – to go home. When JC told him that he _had_ to be at Bree's birthday party because it was one of the only gifts Bree had actually asked for, Chris had agreed with only minimal prodding.

Chris had closed up the California house and made arrangements to put all of his things in storage before he returned to Orlando, ostensibly just for a weekend. He knew the moment he agreed to go to the party that he would stay in Florida afterwards, but he wasn't sure exactly where until Tony had a little talk with him after he picked him up from the airport. Tony told him that he was welcome to stay and that there were several extra rooms in the house and even a guest cabin, so there was no reason for Chris to plan on leaving. He then went on to add that everyone knew Joey still loved him and had been alone for years because of it, and that Tony and JC intended to hunt him down and castrate him if he ripped Joey's heart out by leaving him a second time.

Needless to stay, Chris thought he sang high enough already, so he had walked into Joey's house expecting to be welcomed and intending to stay a while, but Joey's reaction to seeing him had still surprised him. The shock Chris had expected, but the flare of quickly hidden hope had been a surprise, both that just the sight of him would raise Joey's hopes and that Joey felt he needed to hide it. Then Joey had cut his hand and Chris had bitten his lip in an effort not to say anything, wanting to be the one to help but knowing he didn't have the right anymore, and when Bree had asked him doctor the cut for her he was sure he had been pathetically eager to please.

The intense love in Joey's eyes and the way he trembled while Chris cleaned up his cut hand had almost been more than Chris could bear, but it had completely convinced him that Tony was right and he couldn't leave Joey again. The talk with Bree a few days later had essentially made it official with everyone but the one who mattered most, and Chris had been trying ever since to figure out what to do or say to bring up the subject with Joey without any luck. They were seldom alone together, and then when they _were_ alone Chris usually either chickened out and found someplace else to be, or else they talked about Bree or the farm, or anything but their relationship.

Joey was a lot more relaxed around Chris now though, and he didn't jump and stammer if their hands accidentally touched while they did the dishes or something, so Chris had a lot of hope. Joey's declaration that his heart had always belonged to Chris had made Chris want to jump up and caper around for the first time in years, and he had only managed to restrain himself because it would involve moving away from Joey.

 

===========

 _Over you,_   
_I'm never over,_   
_Over you..._   
_Something about you,_   
_It's just the way you move,_   
_The way you move me._

===========

 

Chris looked out into the storm, watching the rain and the occasional flashes of lightning as he remembered when he really had moved away from Joey and let his mind wander over the years he'd wasted. After he left Joey, he had started drinking Jagermeister like it was water any night he was alone. He usually ended his evenings by passing out in the floor of his old apartment unless one of the other guys was there to keep an eye on him, and that habit had only gotten worse when JC told him how unhappy Joey was. When the group split up Chris had practically disappeared, crawling into a hole and setting about trying to drink and drug himself to death, and he was doing a good job of it until his little sister Taylor found out about it. She visited Chris one morning and sat him down to feed him two cups of coffee to make sure he was sober, then told him that if he was going to commit suicide, the least he could do was make it quick so he wasn't torturing their mom anymore.

Chris had made an effort to change things then, sure that he could just decide to quit and it be over with, but after a week of trying he realized he could barely even make himself _cut back_ on the drugs and alcohol, and quitting was beyond him. Taylor and Bev convinced him to go into rehab not long after that, and Johnny found a discrete little place in Arizona that wouldn't just give him more drugs to get rid of the addictions. Johnny circulated the rumor that Chris was traveling again, and Chris made the trip to Arizona and admitted himself into the thirty-day program. He went in around fifty pounds overweight, looking like death warmed over with muscle tremors so bad that he couldn't hold even a cup of coffee without spilling it.

It was nearly four months before he left the rehab center sober and clean and even almost happy with himself again, but Chris thought it was worth it. He returned to Florida then and visited JC, Lance, and Justin before he happily settled back into life in what he considered to be his hometown. He had found that he liked working out while he was in rehab – it was a safe way for him to burn energy, and he could play a movie or an album while he did it – and within a few more months he had gotten rid of the last of the extra weight, and then a bit more besides. He was soon in better shape than he had been in during the group's last tour, and he found himself feeling ten years younger and almost happy again. Sure, life wasn't perfect anymore, but it was at least good again.

… Or it was, until he saw Joey by chance one day in the little grocery store they had always frequented.

Joey had Bree and JC with him that day, and they had all looked really good, laughing and talking together while Chris watched them from a distance as they shopped, careful not to let them see him. Within ten minutes he was seriously envying JC because of the ease with which he and Joey interacted, but he still watched them until he couldn't take it anymore. When he finally left he had barely made it back to his apartment before he found himself looking up the number of the guy he used to score a little forgetfulness off of, and it took all of his willpower not to make that call. He finally called Justin instead, and even though he had fallen off the wagon that night he had been proud that he managed to keep it down to just drinking a few beers with his friend instead of going on a bender.

Chris' life had settled into a nearly normal routine after that, working at his record company during the day and clubbing with Justin at night until he saw Joey at a club one night with a little blond on his arm. Chris was morbidly fascinated by the sight of Joey with a girl that was about as smart as bread mold, and he had sat at the bar watching them all evening without even noticing it when Justin switched his drinks to something non-alcoholic. Chris had hardly been able to believe that it was Joey after watching how he treated the girl for a while, and when Joey and the girl disappeared into a darkened corner Chris had hurriedly left the bar. He barely made it to the curb before he was sick.

Justin took him home and hadn't said much about it afterwards, but within a week Chris had decided he needed to leave Orlando and make a fresh start someplace he wouldn't run into Joey with one of his girls – Justin had let slip that Joey was going through them faster than he went through socks – ever again. Chris had friends in Los Angeles, and more importantly knew that Joey _hated_ it out there, so he packed up and moved west, hoping he could patch together what was left of his life.

It took a while but Chris finally began to move on, and over the years he spent in L.A. he had dated quite a few women and men – and even a few he still wasn't sure of – but he never stayed long with anyone. He always found himself comparing them to Joey eventually, and the people he dated were always lacking. Nobody was as loyal, or as honest, or as strong, or as gentle, or as gorgeous as Joey, and after a string of bad breakups he finally gave up dating completely.

 

===========

 _I'm so good at forgetting,_   
_And I quit every game I play,_   
_But forgive me, love,_   
_I can't turn and walk away._

===========

 

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Joey asked suddenly, making Chris blink as he was startled out of his thoughts, quickly turning to look in Joey's direction.

"In the rain?" Chris asked, a little surprised.

Joey nodded, the movement easily visible even in the darkness caused by the storm now that Chris' eyes had time to adjust completely. "I still like it."

"Okay," Chris replied as he set aside his half-full beer, smiling as he remembered the old days when they had taken long walks in the rain together and hoping that starting over could be so easy.

Joey stood and offered him his hand, smiling back as he said softly, "C'mon then. I love walking the farm in the rain, and there's someplace I'd like to show you."

"You lead, Joe, and I'll follow." Chris took his hand and let Joey pull him to his feet, swallowing when he realized how close they were and then shivering and silently cursing himself when he automatically swayed even closer to the warmth that radiated from Joey's body.

Joey looked down into Chris' eyes for a long moment before he asked softly, "Would you like a jacket before we go?"

Chris licked his lips, so absorbed by watching Joey's lips move that it took him a moment to realize what he had been asked, then he blushed slightly, lifting his gaze to meet Joey's. "No, I'm fine, just..." He flushed a little more and then admitted, "I'm not cold."

Joey looked at him for a moment longer as a little smile spread across his face, and then he gave Chris' hand a squeeze and turned away, tugging Chris along with him. "Okay, good. Let me know if you do get cold."

"I will," Chris replied, following Joey down the steps and into the rain, shivering again when the surprisingly cold rain hit him. He soon adjusted to it though, and within a few minutes he was walking along the well-worn path next to Joey, tipping his head back and closing his eyes to let the rain wash over his face while he let Joey's hold on his hand guide him. He had missed times like these when it was just him and Joey and a storm, and he found himself wondering how he had lived without either one.

 

===========

 _Back to you,_   
_It always comes around,_   
_Back to you..._   
_I walk with your shadow,_   
_I'm sleeping in my bed,_   
_With your silhouette._

===========

 

"You're still beautiful, y'know," Joey said suddenly, his voice so soft Chris barely heard him over the rain.

Chris jerked his head upright again, stopping and blinking at Joey as he wiped rain out of his face with his free hand, shock plain on his face. "What?"

Joey smiled, irrationally pleased by Chris' surprise as he repeated, "You're still just as beautiful as you ever were."

Chris swallowed hard, staring at Joey for a moment before he said quietly, "Joe, I've never been beautiful."

"Maybe not to you," Joey replied quietly, ignoring the rain as he smiled softly at Chris. "You've always been beautiful to me, I was just afraid to tell you before."

Chris shook his head, still looking confused. "Joe, I just— I'm not."

Joey shrugged slightly and started along the path again, pulling Chris along with him and still smiling. "Not to you."

"Joe..." Chris trailed off, watching Joey as he walked along the path next to him for a little while before he asked softly, "Why tell me now?"

"Because I don't intend to be afraid to say something to you ever again," Joey replied immediately.

"Why were you ever afraid to say it?" Chris asked, watching Joey's face and ignoring their surroundings.

Joey looked down at the ground, smiling softly as he walked along. "Because I knew you wouldn't believe it, and I was afraid you'd take it wrong." Joey looked up again, keeping his eyes focused straight ahead as he added, "You never seemed to think you were worth looking at, so I used to stay awake and watch you while you slept. Then I could look at you without you wanting to know what was wrong, or getting upset that I was staring at you."

Chris looked down at the ground as he felt a pang of guilt that he had ever made Joey feel like he had to hide something like that. "I— I'm sorry, Joe. For a _lot_ of things, but for that, too. I never meant to make you feel like that."

Joey gave his hand a squeeze, smiling slightly at Chris as they walked down the path along the outside of one of the pastures. "Don't apologize, Chris. It was a long, long time ago and I forgave you. For all of it."

Chris' eyes widened slightly, his voice barely a whisper as he asked, "All of it, Joe? Even— Even leaving you?"

"It was my fault," Joey replied, his smile fading as he looked straight ahead at the little cabin they were walking towards. "I never blamed you for walking away. I _deserved_ it for breaking your trust, and your heart."

"I broke _us_ though, Joe. That was worse than anything you did. We promised each other forever and I walked out on you for something I knew deep down you never would have done on purpose."

Joey's expression twisted into a sad, wry smile. "I shouldn't have done her at all, even though Bree is all that's kept me going for the last fourteen years."

Chris shuddered slightly and whispered, "God, I wasted _fourteen years_ of our lives because I was too proud to come back to you. I am _such_ an asshole."

Joey shook his head quickly. "No you're not, you were hurt and angry and you didn't ever want to see me again. It was your right."

"I _did_ though," Chris corrected. "I wanted to come back to you so badly that I practically killed myself to get you out of my mind." Chris looked at Joey. "Kind of like you did, from what JC and Bree have told me."

Joey nodded, leading Chris up the stairs onto the porch of the little guest cabin. "I was a drunk whenever Bree wasn't around. Jayce threatened me with rehab a few times."

"I _did_ rehab," Chris replied quietly as Joey opened the door, then let go of Joey's hand and walked inside. "It took me a hundred and fourteen days to get clean and sober, and even though I drink a beer now and then, I'm pretty proud to say I've managed to stay clean ever since."

Joey followed him inside, closing the door before he moved to turn on a lamp that was on the only table, illuminating a small comfortable room with a table and two ladder backed chairs, a small couch, and a recliner. Joey sat down on the couch, looking at Chris with a concerned expression as he finally asked, "Why didn't JC tell me?"

"JC doesn't know," Chris replied, moving to sit on the other end of the couch, facing Joey. "Nobody knew but my mom, Taylor, Molly, and Johnny. I didn't want you guys to know how far down I was." Chris looked down at the narrow strip of couch cushion between their knees and added quietly, "I wasn't just in for alcoholism."

Joey had assumed as much from the way Chris was talking, and he watched Chris' face closely as he asked, "Weed?"

"Among other things," Chris replied, lifting his gaze to meet Joey's as he admitted, "I did E, acid, heroin, even cocaine... But, I got lucky. I tested clean after it all, even though I wasn't very careful."

Joey swallowed hard as he reached out to take one of Chris' hands in his, not wanting to think about Chris being so far gone he had risked his life for a few minutes of being high. "That was a long time ago though, right?"

"Yeah," Chris replied, nodding as he gave Joey's hand a squeeze. "It started after the group broke up. For a while I tried everything I could get my hands on that could make me forget for an hour or two, but it's been years since I've done worse than have a few beers with friends."

"I'm glad." Joey smiled at Chris and then looked down at their hands, rubbing his thumb lightly over the back of Chris' hand as he whispered softly, "I've missed you."

Chris swallowed hard, looking down at their hands too as he whispered back, "I missed you too, Joe, so much." Chris looked up then, and his deep brown eyes shone with emotion as he added softly, "Please don't ask me to leave."

"Never," Joey replied with a sudden smile, then lifted Chris' hand to kiss his knuckles softly. "I've never wanted anything as much as I want you to stay."

Chris scooted closer to Joey, looking into his eyes with a serious expression as he said softly, "I promise never to walk away from you again, Joe, not unless you tell me to go."

"You'll be here forever then." Joey leaned closer, looking into Chris' eyes as he whispered, "I love you too much to ever _want_ you to go. I always have."

"I love you too, baby," Chris replied, his voice just a little ragged with emotion. He lifted his free hand to cup Joey's jaw for a heartbeat before he kissed him softly, just barely brushing his lips against Joey's before he let out a tiny strangled noise and kissed him again more firmly.

 

===========

 _I should have smiled in that picture,_   
_If it's the last that I'll see of you._   
_It's the least that you,_   
_Could not do._

===========

 

Joey felt Chris' tongue lightly slide along his upper lip and he moaned softly, opening his mouth to lick at Chris' tongue and trying to coax it into his own mouth as he lifted his free hand to lay it against the side of Chris' neck.

"Missed you," Chris murmured against Joey's lips, licking at his tongue and lips and wanting to taste and explore even as he mumbled, "Need you." The desire to re-explore won out over the need to talk then and he licked deeper into Joey's mouth, their tongues slipping and sliding against each other as they made soft little hungry noises and pressed closer to each other. They both needed this, and had wanted it for much too long to fight it.

Joey let go of Chris' hand after a few minutes to move his hand around Chris' waist and rest it low on Chris' back, urging Chris closer. Chris growled against his lips and shifted both hands to Joey's chest, pushing Joey back against the couch as he moved to straddle his thighs and then ran his hands over Joey's body, drawing a breathless moan as fingertips brushed across over-sensitive nipples still covered by clammy, wet cotton.

"Wet," Joey muttered against Chris' lips a moment later, tugging at Chris' shirt with his hands. He licked at the roof of Chris' mouth before whispering softly against his lips, "Take it off."

Chris bit at Joey's lower lip, sucking it between his teeth as he pulled away from the kiss, then he sat up straight on Joey's thighs and moved his hands to the hem of Joey's t-shirt before he paused, searching Joey's eyes. "Are you sure about this, baby?"

Joey leaned forward and up to kiss Chris quickly and then began to trail kisses down the side of Chris' neck, whispering between licks and nibbles, "God yes. So sure. Wanna ... feel... your skin. Taste you. Touch you."

Chris growled and tugged at Joey's shirt, peeling the wet cotton upwards and then shivering at the impatient noise Joey made when he had to let go of Chris for a moment to let him pull the shirt off. Chris moved his hand to drop the shirt in the floor, and by the time the shirt landed on the tile with a soft wet splat Joey's lips were already on Chris' throat. Chris tilted his head back with a shuddering groan, enjoying the feel of Joey's mouth on his skin even as his fingers slid through the damp curly hair covering the chilled skin of Joey's chest, exploring and stroking as Joey arched into his touch.

Joey bit down gently at the base of Chris' throat, licking and sucking on the soft skin and then sliding his hands up under Chris' flannel shirt as he growled softly against Chris' skin, "Chris, get rid of this."

Chris nodded and quickly moved his hands to grab handfuls of his shirt, ignoring the buttons as he quickly pulled it upwards, a soft gasp muffled by the wet material when Joey ducked his head to lick at Chris' nipple as soon as it was revealed. Chris tugged the shirt the rest of the way off and moved one hand to drop the shirt behind the couch as his free hand slid into Joey's hair, cupping the back of Joey's head and then shuddering when sharp teeth nibbled delicately at his nipple.

"God," Chris whispered softly, combing his fingers through Joey's hair and watching with heavy-lidded eyes as Joey began licking and nibbling at the skin and hair on his chest. "You're the one that's beautiful. You're _perfect_."

Joey lifted his head, running his hands over Chris' sides as he leaned up to kiss him, licking into Chris' mouth and groaning as Chris sucked on his tongue, then he pulled back slightly, smiling softly up at Chris as he whispered, "Only to you, Chris. Only _for_ you."

Chris swallowed hard, looking down into Joey's eyes as it hit him suddenly just how true that was and how true it had always been. His eyes slowly filled with tears as he crumpled forward, hiding his face against the side of Joey's neck to whisper brokenly, "I'm so sorry."

Joey closed his eyes and let out a tiny noise, sliding his arms around Chris and holding him tightly as he turned to press his lips against damp hair, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks as Chris sobbed in his arms.

 

===========

 _Leave the light on,_   
_I'll never give up on you._   
_Leave the light on,_   
_For me too._

===========

 

"Shhh, it's okay now," Joey whispered after a few minutes, rubbing Chris' back with one hand as he held him close with the other. "You're here and I'll _never_ hurt you like that again, I promise."

Chris' arms tightened around Joey for a moment and then he suddenly pulled away to look into Joey's eyes, ignoring the tears on both of their faces as he moved his hands to cup Joey's cheeks and looked into his eyes. "Joe, you have to stop that, right now. It _wasn't_ all your fault. I was an idiot to walk away from you, and I was a complete _asshole_ to stay away when I knew it was killing us both. So you fucked up, so _what_? I messed up _so_ many times, it—"

Joey lifted one hand to press his fingertips against Chris' lips, quieting him and then moving his hand to rest on Chris' shoulder as he said softly, "You never did what _I_ did, not once. You forgot a few stupid anniversaries and had other things you wanted to do sometimes that took you away from me, but you never _once_ screwed around on me. We both know you could have, anytime you wanted to, and you _didn't_."

"You wouldn't have hated me even if I did," Chris replied softly, sliding his hands down to rest on Joey's shoulders. "I always knew that."

Joey looked into Chris' eyes for a moment and then sighed. "That's not important. I knew before I ever even _kissed_ you that the one thing that you hated more than anything was for someone you loved to cheat on you. I _knew_ , and I _still_ did it. I was so drunk that I didn't even remember it, but I'm very sure that even drunk off my ass I could tell the difference between fucking _Kelly_ and making love to you."

"She always wanted you," Chris said then, not quite addressing what Joey had said because he knew it was true. The expression in his brown eyes grew sad and subdued as he lifted one hand to gently stroke Joey's cheek. "I knew that, and that she'd do _anything_ to get you, even if it was just for a few hours. I knew when you told me that it _had_ to be her fault, that somehow she had tricked you, but I was still so hurt... By the time I got over it she had already told your mom that she was pregnant, and I could never keep you from having a family. You always wanted kids."

Joey turned his head and kissed Chris' palm, then looked into Chris' eyes again as he said softly, "I wish you would have talked to me. I _never_ would have chosen Kelly if I had been given another alternative."

Chris leaned forward to rest his forehead against Joey's, closing his eyes as he whispered, "I know." He kissed Joey softly and then leaned his forehead against Joey's again. "I didn't give you a choice because I knew your family wanted you to choose her and Bree, and that it had hurt you that your mom didn't approve of us. If you could be happy with her I wanted you to have the chance, and then once I saw you with Bree I knew I could never forgive myself if I made you lose her, or made her lose you. I know what it's like to grow up without a dad, and she _needed_ you. Her mother was a sanctimonious bitch most of the time, but Bree's a great kid."

Joey couldn't help a soft laugh at that. "Kell hasn't changed, and I think it still pisses her off that she couldn't make me marry her, even with Mama on her side harping on me all the time. Jayce had as much to do with raising Bree as I did though, so I can't take credit for how she turned out. He's always been there for us both and loved her like she was his." Joey paused and then pulled away from Chris to look into his eyes seriously as he went on, "But the rest. Chris, I don't give a _damn_ what my family wants, or what _Kelly_ wants, or what _anyone_ else wants. I love you, and you love me, and—"

"—if you start singing the Barney song, I'll give you the wedgie from hell," Chris finished for him with a tiny little grin, feeling his heart lurch when Joey gave him a sudden sweet smile in return. "How about we agree the past is past, and start from now?"

"I'd like that," Joey replied softly, smiling as he nuzzled Chris' cheek. "This time we'll do it right. Besides, Bree would kill us both if we mess up her plans now."

Chris chuckled and kissed the corner of Joey's mouth, then whispered softly, "Can't have that." He kissed Joey again, slowly licking at Joey's lips and then sucking at the lower one before he suddenly pulled away to look at Joey with a wicked little grin that made him look twenty years younger. "Where do those other two doors go?"

Joey couldn't help but grin back as he stroked Chris' sides, a small part of his mind noting that running his hands over Chris' body still felt as wonderful as it always had. "Well, the one on the _right_ goes to the kitchen..."

"And the other one?" Chris asked with a sly little smile, trailing his fingers through the hair on Joey's chest.

"That would be the room," Joey replied with a grin as his hands slid down over Chris' hips, "between here and the bathroom."

Chris laughed softly. "And what's in this in-between room?"

Joey smirked. "A wood floor, a few shelves and some oak furniture."

Chris tugged sharply at the hair on Joey's chest, grinning. "Quit teasing me."

"But it's working," Joey replied with a grin, sliding his hands around to stroke familiarly over Chris' ass. "Besides, you know what kind of furniture is in a bedroom, so there's no reason for me to tell you."

Chris leaned forward until his lips were almost touching Joey's, grinning slightly as he asked, "So why are we still sitting here," he licked at Joey's lips quickly, "in clammy wet jeans," he nibbled at Joey's lower lip, "when you could be," he kissed him softly, "in _me_?"

Chris didn't give him a chance to reply before he kissed him again, licking and sucking at Joey's lips as Joey groaned softly and urged him closer.

 

===========

 _Back to me,_   
_I know that it comes,_   
_Back to me._   
_Doesn't it scare you?_   
_Your will is not as strong,_   
_As it used to be._

===========

 

When Chris finally pulled back a little while later Joey just watched his face for a minute, waiting, then gave him a little grin and asked, "Well?"

"Well, what?" Chris asked with a grin, leaning forward to nibble along Joey's jaw.

Joey grinned and lightly pinched his ass. "Aren't you going to get off of me so we can move this to bed?"

Chris chuckled and lifted his head. "That might help, huh?"

Joey grinned back and nodded. "Yeah, it might, _especially_ if you want me to be able to do anything once we get there. I'm not as young as I used to be."

"You're not even as young as _I_ used to be," Chris replied, grinning as he kissed Joey quickly and then jumped up, grabbing Joey's hand and tugging on it. "Now c'mon, before I'm too senile to enjoy it."

Joey laughed and let Chris pull him to his feet, then followed him towards the bedroom, wondering a little at how natural it felt to be with Chris even after almost fourteen years apart for a moment before he smiled and wondered how he'd gone a day without him.

 

 ~ End


End file.
